Let’s Explore This Narrative Through Storytelling.

Person # 1

Maya was feeling a deep sense of frustration and exhaustion from having to continuously advocate for herself in the face of stressors at work that should have been taken care of long ago. Despite the amount of effort she put into taking care of her own matters, progress seemed minimal. This created feelings of inequity, as she watched other people get more support for far less effort. It was emotionally draining for her to speak out as a BIPOC woman, and she felt overwhelmed by the amount of energy it took. She wished that something would be done so that she no longer had to face such struggles in her daily life alone.

Person #2

Lydia was a determined Black woman who worked hard and expected to be treated the same way as her colleagues. However, she was constantly met with resistance when it came to getting the support that should have been readily available to her. Every time she spoke out about the issues that needed attention, it felt like an uphill battle with no end in sight.

No matter how much progress she made, it felt like two steps forward and one step back due to the lack of support for her endeavors. She watched as others got more help for far less effort and could not understand why she had to fight so hard for the same rights. The emotional toll of having to continuously advocate for herself was overwhelming and exhausting for Lydia.

It seemed like the only way to a change was to continue pushing forward and speaking out, regardless of how drained it made her feel. She wanted more than anything for things to be different, so she could focus on doing her job instead of fighting against unfair treatment every day. With each fight, Lydia grew stronger and more determined to make a difference. She was determined to be the voice of change that she wished for.

Person # 3

Despite Jonathan’s best efforts, the employee often found himself without the support and affirmation he needed in his workspace. When advocating for himself, he was met with questions such as "Can you give me specific examples" or "How do you see this being addressed". This left him feeling disempowered, as though his ideas were not taken seriously. Even when he provided straightforward resolutions, they were often disregarded until the moment of a one-on-one meeting. The employee was bewildered that despite all his attempts to be heard and provide solutions, his ideas were not being taken seriously.

What Themes Do These People Have in Common?

The three stories illustrate a common theme of being unsupported and disempowered in the workplace. Despite their best efforts, Maya, Lydia, and Jonathan were met with resistance when trying to advocate for themselves. This lack of recognition was emotionally draining for them and left them feeling overwhelmed. It is clear that there needs to be greater effort put into providing people with the support and affirmation necessary for them to be successful in the workplace. However, this means that employers have to be willing to do the work and not rely on their employees of color to fix the problems, answer the questions, or feel like they are being a burden. This is equity, not superiority.

My First Race-Related Work Crisis

I remember when I worked as a behavioral health technician when I was 20 and had my hours suddenly changed to the night shift because my white coworker wanted what was originally mine. It felt like a slap in the face, no warning, no conversation, just a new schedule and an expectation to be met- that my needs were not valued, that I didn't matter.

To make matters worse, clients would often call me the 'N-word,' a name that was not only hurtful and dehumanizing but a sign of disrespect. I felt powerless to stand up for myself in those situations. Plus, while my co-workers would “call them out”, they themselves would use similar language. (Because you know, we are friends so it’s ok?)

Finally, when I resigned from the job due to the treatment I had endured, my boss tried to gaslight me by telling me that if I left I'd be blacklisted ( BTW, I was forced to stay on-site for a 17-hour shift). This was the final straw, and it only added to my feeling of helplessness while I was working there.

In those moments, I knew that my feelings were real - it wasn't just anger or frustration but a combination of tiredness, loneliness, fear, and feeling inferior. It felt like no one was listening, no one cared, and I had no power or voice in the situation. It was a devastating realization.

The experience really shook me up, sending my mental health into a downward spiral. I suffered from depression for months and it eventually led to me hitting rock bottom, with suicidal thoughts and processing the trauma of all the race-related issues I had encountered in the entirety of my life for the first time. It was a difficult journey but ultimately changed my life for the better.

It's been years since I left that job, but those moments remain with me - reminders of the unfair treatment that people of color still face in so many workplaces. Usually completely unprovoked.

It was clear to me that my experience was related to my race when a client approached me in the inpatient unit and said "Wow, there is so much diversity now!" - and I knew that I was the only person of color in the room. This reinforced what I already knew - that others were not listening to or valuing me because of my race.

Let’s Look At How One Person May Try to Handle the Emotional Distress of Race-Based Trauma and Workplace Stressors

Jane was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. She had been in a situation that made her feel violated and hurt, leaving her feeling powerless. Her thoughts were spinning around in her head as she tried to make sense of what had happened. She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, focusing on the emotions that were coursing through her body. She was feeling angry, frustrated, and irritated.

Taking a few more deep breaths, she allowed herself to really sit with those emotions and validate that they were valid and rational given the situation. Jane then asked herself what she wanted to do next. With clarity in her mind about her feelings, she could move forward with a plan of action.

From then on, Jane made it a point to follow the "stop, identify, feel, validate, and act" framework whenever she found herself in uncertain or difficult situations. In doing so, she was able to gain a better understanding of her emotions and accept them without judgment. By validating her feelings, Jane was able to move forward with more confidence and find solutions that worked for her.

The framework continued to help Jane navigate issues and challenges in both her personal and professional life. As a woman of color, she has had to confront some uncomfortable conversations and situations. But by taking the time to stop, identify, feel, validate, and act, she has been able to remain grounded and confident in all she does.

Through this, Jane has gained a better understanding of her own emotions and the power that comes with validating them. She knows that while she may not be able to control everything going on around her, she will always have the ability to control how she responds and recognize when she is experiencing a situation for what it is.

What Happens When Employers End Up Giving Us Lip Service Instead of Action?

Sandra was a black woman working in a white space for what felt like an eternity. She loved her job but found herself often feeling unheard and undervalued. She knew that she had to make a change for both herself and those around her if she wanted true growth.

So despite the risk of being deemed as “too demanding” or “aggressive”, she decided to speak up and advocate for change. She was met with a flurry of lip service from her white colleagues. They claimed they wanted to help and collaborate, but the truth was that nothing changed. Sandra felt hurt and powerless like her voice didn't matter.

When Sandra tried to express her anger and disappointment, she was shamed. Her white colleagues couldn't handle the “angry black woman” stereotype and so she was seen as a problem. They never addressed the real issues at hand, only brushing them aside with half-hearted promises that were never kept.

A few months down the line, Sandra had had enough. She left her job and could feel the judgment from her white colleagues as she walked away. She was seen as unable to handle the stress of the job when in reality it was their lack of awareness and action toward her that drained her. Additionally, they had felt they had done everything they could to support her and felt her needs or "demands", were just too unreasonable.

The truth was that Sandra had been fighting an uphill battle since the day she set foot in that white space. Her voice was silenced, her feelings were invalidated and her worth was diminished. She tried to fight through until the very end, but it just wasn’t enough. This story is all too familiar for people of color who advocate white spaces.

Here is What We Can Control Now

In the end, even though our systems move at a snail's pace, there are still things we can control as Black and BIPOC women. We have to find ways to bring healing and peace into our lives so that we don't become overwhelmed by the racism and oppression around us. We can use self-care strategies like taking mental health days, eating well, engaging in activities that make us feel connected to our communities and grounded in nature, focusing on our good qualities, and speaking up for ourselves.

We must also remember that we cannot do everything at once and it is important to give ourselves breaks to recharge mentally, emotionally, and physically. Only then can we continue to be resilient, strong, and powerful in the face of oppression. So learn to step away, not as an “I surrender”, flag, but as a recognition that today drained you, but you will continue to show up for yourself tomorrow.

Need Support, A Black Life Coach Can Help!

We can create a powerful call to action to support WOC/BIPOC in developing better boundaries, assertiveness, and self-care strategies. Let's commit to having honest conversations with each other, advocating for our needs, and standing up against racism. Let us also make sure that we are taking time for ourselves - mentally, emotionally, and physically - so that we can be resilient, strong, and powerful in the face of oppression. Let's join forces to lift each other up through boundaries, assertiveness, and self-care coaching! Together, we can create an inclusive space to allow us all to heal and thrive.