The Chinese Finger Trap and the Power of Leaning In
If you've ever played with a Chinese finger trap, you know the trick: the harder you pull, the more stuck you get. It’s counterintuitive, but the way to escape is to lean in—to release the tension, move toward the center, and then slowly free yourself.
This simple toy holds a profound lesson about mental health, resilience, and healing. Just like struggling against the trap keeps you stuck, resisting difficult emotions can trap you in cycles of avoidance and fear. Therapy helps you recognize this pattern and teaches you how to lean into discomfort, creating the space needed for true healing and growth. When we face difficult emotions, trauma, or anxiety, our instinct is often to pull away—to avoid, suppress, or control the discomfort. But just like with the finger trap, avoidance keeps us stuck. The real path to freedom comes from leaning into our struggles rather than resisting them.
Why Avoidance Keeps Us Stuck
Avoidance can feel like a quick fix, and research shows it’s a common response to stress. Studies indicate that avoidance behaviors are linked to increased anxiety and long-term distress, yet nearly 70% of people engage in some form of avoidance when faced with difficult emotions. If something feels overwhelming—anxiety, grief, shame, or uncertainty—our natural response is to retreat. We might distract ourselves with work, social media, perfectionism, or even numbing behaviors like overeating, drinking, or over-exercising. In the moment, these strategies can offer relief, but over time, they reinforce the fear that we can’t handle discomfort. This is known as the avoidance-control cycle—the more we avoid, the more powerless we feel, and the stronger the discomfort becomes.
In therapy, I often hear clients say, "I just want this feeling to go away." But the paradox is that trying to force emotions out only strengthens their hold.
The Power of Leaning In
Healing begins when we lean in—when we stop running and start facing our emotions with curiosity rather than fear.
Leaning in looks like:
Acknowledging discomfort without judgment (“I feel anxious right now, and that’s okay.”)
Practicing acceptance rather than control (“This is hard, but I can sit with it.”)
Taking small steps forward instead of waiting to “feel ready” (“I’m scared, but I’m still going to do this.”)
It’s not about wallowing in pain but about allowing yourself to move through it. Just like with the finger trap, when we stop pulling away, we find space to breathe and move forward.
Resilience, Growth, and New Beginnings
Facing discomfort isn’t easy, but it builds resilience. When you practice tolerating distress, your mind and body learn that you are capable of handling hard things. Over time, what once felt unbearable becomes manageable, and new possibilities open up.
Growth happens in the discomfort zone. Every time you lean in, you’re not just surviving—you’re expanding your ability to navigate life’s challenges with strength and confidence.
Therapy as an Empowering Choice
If you’re a high-achieving professional, you’re used to solving problems and taking charge of your life. But mental health doesn’t work like a business strategy—it requires emotional flexibility, self-compassion, and a willingness to engage with your inner world.
That’s why private-pay therapy can be so empowering. While it may feel like a bigger financial commitment upfront, it offers greater flexibility, privacy, and personalized care that insurance-based therapy often lacks. If affordability is a concern, many therapists offer sliding-scale options, payment plans, or short-term intensive work that can still be highly effective. It’s not about jumping through insurance hoops or meeting arbitrary session limits—it’s about investing in yourself, on your terms. Just like leaning into discomfort brings freedom, taking control of your mental health gives you the space to heal and grow in a way that truly serves you.
Wrapping up the leaning in
The Chinese finger trap is a reminder that sometimes the way out isn’t to resist but to soften—to lean into the discomfort, trust the process, and create space for change. Healing isn’t about eliminating pain; it’s about learning to move through it with resilience and grace. I once worked with a client who struggled with intense anxiety. Every time discomfort arose, they would distract themselves with work or social media, believing avoidance was the only way to cope. But as they started to lean into their emotions—through mindfulness, self-compassion, and therapy—they found that what once felt unbearable became manageable. Over time, they built the resilience to face challenges head-on, proving that growth comes from moving through discomfort rather than running from it. And when you do, you’ll find that what once felt impossible becomes a stepping stone to a stronger, more empowered version of yourself.
Start dealing with your mental health on your terms!
If you’re ready to take that step and work with a therapist in Colorado Springs, CO who understands the balance of success and mental well-being, let’s talk. Book a free consultation today and start taking back your power.
