If you're a high-achieving professional woman of color, you likely have a lot on your plate. You may be juggling work, relationships, and personal goals while also dealing with stress related to disordered eating, body image issues, or communication struggles. With so much going on, it's understandable that you strive for perfection in everything you do. However, this mentality can backfire and actually hinder your progress. In this blog post, we'll explore how the pursuit of perfectionism can lead to unnecessary stress and provide practical tips on how to prioritize self-care and manage stress effectively as a high achiever. Let's dive in!

High Achievers and Stress are Connected

As high achievers, we're often driven by our goals and the desire to succeed. However, this drive can also lead to a lot of stress and pressure. We may feel like we have to do everything perfectly and meet impossibly high standards, which can be exhausting and overwhelming. Additionally, many of us may have a tendency to tie our self-worth to our achievements, which can make us feel like failures if we don't meet our goals.

Stress is an unavoidable part of life, but we can learn to cope with it better. One of the key things to work on is not reinforcing the idea that if we just complete a task or reach a certain goal, our anxiety or stress about a situation will automatically reduce. While accomplishing tasks can provide a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, it's important to recognize that stress and anxiety are often rooted in deeper issues that can't be solved by simply crossing off items on a to-do list.

Understanding the Cycle of Avoidance, Anxiety, and Reinforcement

As high achievers, we often have high expectations for ourselves and may feel like we need to accomplish everything flawlessly, which can lead to a cycle of avoidance, anxiety, and reinforcement. This cycle often starts with avoidance. We may avoid tasks or situations that make us anxious or uncomfortable because we fear failure or rejection. However, this avoidance can lead to increased anxiety, as we start to worry about the consequences of not completing the task or facing the situation.

This anxiety can then reinforce our avoidance behavior, as we seek to avoid the discomfort that comes with anxiety. However, this only perpetuates the cycle, making it more difficult for us to face our fears and accomplish our goals.

Learning to recognize and manage this cycle is essential for effective stress management as a high achiever. It involves developing the awareness and skills necessary to identify our avoidance patterns, challenge our negative self-talk and beliefs, and develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage anxiety and stress.

The Cycle of Avoidance, Anxiety, and Reinforcement

Perfectionism is a common trait among high achievers. They strive for excellence and are willing to put in the extra effort required to achieve it. For instance, if you ask a high achiever to clean the house on a Saturday afternoon, they are likely to have it done quickly, perhaps even by 3 p.m. However, their drive for perfection may lead them to spend extra time on the task, sacrificing their leisure time to ensure that everything is done flawlessly. They may even work on it after work on Friday evening or before heading home from work on Friday afternoon, all in the pursuit of perfection.

Perfectionism Comes With A Price!

But this desire for perfection has its price: stress! High achievers are constantly under pressure from themselves and others to do things perfectly. That's why so many high achievers suffer from stress-related illnesses such as heart disease and ulcers.

High achievers also tend to get caught up in what I call the "cycle of avoidance, anxiety, and reinforcement." Here's how it works: You're supposed to finish a project at work tomorrow — but you know that if you don't get a good night's sleep tonight (which means no late-night TV), then there's no way you'll be able to concentrate enough. Thus in order to finish the assignment, we find ourselves staying up till 2 a.m. getting 4 hours of sleep, and turning in the assignment. We get the grade or the project complete, but now you are feeling drained and fatigued for days.

Avoidance played a role because we didn’t want to experience the anxiety of not having something complete. Therefore, to avoid the anxiety we reinforced the cycle of if I do my assignment then I won’t feel anxious anymore. But now there is a consequence that now we have to recover sleep-wise.

So what do we do to manage?

First, we develop an awareness of the cycle mentioned above, and then we learn to address and manage our emotions. Here are some tips for managing stress that will help you stay focused on the things that matter most.

Take deep breaths:

Deep breathing is an effective strategy for reducing stress and anxiety. Take a few slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on the sensation of your breath moving in and out of your body. You can also try counting to five as you inhale and counting to five as you exhale to help regulate your breathing.

Focus on something else:

Sometimes, taking your mind off the source of your stress can be helpful. Find something that you enjoy doing, such as reading a book, listening to music, or engaging in a creative hobby. You could also try mindfulness exercises like focusing on the sounds around you or the feeling of your feet on the ground.

Write down your thoughts:

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you gain clarity and perspective. You might find it helpful to make a list of everything that is causing you stress or to write in a journal about your thoughts and emotions. This can help you process your feelings and make a plan for how to address the issues that are causing you stress.

Talk to someone who cares about you:

It's important to have a support system that you can turn to when you are feeling overwhelmed. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member and talk to them about what you're going through. They can offer a listening ear, support, and advice.

Get enough sleep:

Adequate sleep is essential for managing stress and anxiety. Make sure you are getting enough sleep each night by establishing a consistent sleep routine. This might include going to bed and waking up at the same time each day, avoiding caffeine and electronics before bed, and creating a relaxing sleep environment.

Exercise regularly:

Exercise is a great way to reduce stress and improve your mood. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy, whether it's going for a walk, doing yoga, or lifting weights. Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week.

Eat healthy foods:

A balanced diet can help support your mental health and reduce stress. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Avoid sugary and processed foods, which can contribute to inflammation and mood swings.

Meditate:

Meditation is a powerful tool for reducing stress and increasing mindfulness. There are many different forms of meditation, from focused breathing to body scan meditations. Find a practice that works for you and try to incorporate it into your daily routine.

Practice mindfulness:

Mindfulness involves being present at the moment and focusing on your thoughts and feelings without judgment. You can practice mindfulness by engaging in activities that promote relaxation and awareness, such as yoga, tai chi, or deep breathing exercises.

Find ways to relax:

Everyone has their own unique ways of relaxing. Some people enjoy taking a warm bath, others prefer to read a book or listen to music. Experiment with different relaxation techniques and find what works best for you. Remember to prioritize self-care and make time for relaxation each day.

Expose Yourself to the Uncomfortable Reality of Taking a Break!

I know that part of the anxiety cycle means training yourself or internalizing some beliefs that reduce your stress. However, as I am sure you know, burnout, stress, and exhaustion do catch up with you, and yet we continue to live the same cycle. Exposing yourself to rest is a necessity not only because that’s a part of our being, but when you expose yourself to things that make you uncomfortable, it helps to desensitize your system.

The truth is you need to make sure you have adequate rest and relaxation so that you can perform at your peak level. So getting comfortable with being uncomfortable in order to integrate rest better will help you recharge your batteries and give you the energy you need to keep going.

Practice Mindfulness.

Lastly, mindfulness is a great tool! But what is mindfulness? According to Mindful.org, “ Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us”.

There are several ways to practice mindfulness. One of the easiest ways is to simply focus on your breathing. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on each breath as it comes in and goes out. This simple exercise helps you slow down and relax.

Here are my favorite mindfulness activities:

• A peaceful place

• Loving-kindness meditation

• Using the Soulspace meditation app

• Belly Breathing

• Taking a Mindful Walk

What are your takeaways from today? How will you begin to integrate this into your life? This is a process and a journey, not a quick fix. It is a secret, but it is not a bandaid. Instead, I challenge you all to address your beliefs and stuck points that keep you from validating your need for rest and breaks. By denying ourselves, we are not honoring our basic needs on Maslow’s hierarchy.

Need Support Dealing with Stress?

A health coach can help you develop and understand stress and stress management techniques. Don’t deal with this alone. I am happy to help coach you toward a more manageable life. Don’t be overtaken by stress and anxiety.

Learn about me, your health and wellness coach, and contact me for a free consultation if you need additional support. ( remember that coaching is not a replacement for support from a qualified mental health professional). \

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